OMG, will you PLEASE go to sleep!?

You know that book,  Go the F**k to Sleep? Yeah, it must’ve been inspired by the kid.

7:30 p.m.

Me: It’s time to get ready for bed. Clean up your toys, go brush your teeth & put on your pajamas.

The Kid: But, why?

Me: Because I said so. (I know, I can’t believe I said it, either.)

The Kid: (Takes his time, cleaning up. Takes even longer to brush his teeth & put on his PJs).


8:00 p.m.

The Kid: (Still not in his PJs) Mom, can you put my pajamas on, for me? (Yes, he is 5-years-old and yes, he does know how to do it. It’s just another stall tactic.)

Me: No, you know how to do it. You have 30 seconds (and I actually begin to count out loud, he normally has it done, in 20).

The Kid: Ok, I’m all ready. Can you come read me a story?

Me: Sure. Let’s do it. (I then proceed to read him a story, that should take 10 minutes, but because he interrupts me, on every page with a question, it takes 20).


8:20 p.m.

Me: All right, baby, goodnight.

The Kid: Wait! I forgot to feed Disco (his goldfish).

Me: (I get the fish food, and he puts a pinch in the tank). Ok. Goodnight, baby.

The Kid: Wait! I have to go to the bathroom. It may be #2.

Me: Argh! Fine. Go use the bathroom.

The Kid: (5 minutes later, very proudly) I didn’t have to go. No pee pee, no boo boo, nothing.

Me: Good. Now get in the bed. Goodnight.

The Kid: Wait! I’m thirsty.

Me: (@!#$^*) Fine. Wait here. I’ll get you some water.


8:30 p.m.

The Kid: (After the water has been drank) Mommy, I can’t sleep. Can you stay in here with me?

Me: Yes, honey. I’ll stay in here, with you, for a little bit. (At this point, I just want him to go to sleep, so I can get some things done.)

The Kid: Yay!

Me: (@!#$^*) Scoot over, so I can lie down.

The Kid: Your butt’s too big. You take up too much room. Can you lie on the floor?

Me: (@!#$^*) Are you serious? If you want me to stay in here, you’d better scoot over.

The Kid: Fine. Just don’t squish me.

Me: (@!#$^*)


8:45 p.m.

The Kid: Mom?

Me: Yes. (I thought he was sleep?)

The Kid: Who’s taking me to school, tomorrow?

Me: I am.

The Kid: What about the day, after tomorrow?

Me: I am.

The Kid: What about the day, after that?

Me: Go to sleep. No more talking. No more questions. Just GO TO SLEEP.

The Kid: Okay.


At this point, it’s darn near 9:00 p.m., and I think he’s finally sleep. He then sits up really fast, kind of creepy-like, and starts taking off his pajamas & throwing the across the room.


The Kid: Mom?

Me: (@!#$^*) Yes.

The Kid: Can you help me take off my pajama shirt? I can’t get over my head.

Me: Sure.


Then, he lies back down, pulls all the covers over his head.

2 seconds later, he throws them all off, saying he’s hot.

Then, he flips down to the other end of the bed, seemingly falling asleep.

Is he really asleep? Do I dare hope? I lean over, stealthily, and check it out.


I slowly & quietly get off the bed (while trying not to hit my head on the top bunk – again), and leave the room.

Phew! I can’t believe that took so long.

Who am I kidding, yes I can.  Oh well, at least I can finally get some work done.




But, lest you think it’s over, it’s not.




2:30 a.m.

The kid walks sleepily into our room, cutting on every light, and goes to use our bathroom. Yes, there is a bathroom, right across from his room.

After he’s done, we have a 10-minute argument, over washing his hands. (Yes, I’m serious.)

Then, finally, he climbs into bed with us, and falls asleep – but not before he tosses and turns enough, to hit me in the face & kick the hubster, in the side.

The End.


Sigh. Do you have problems, getting your little one to sleep? How do you cope? Any tips & tricks you’d like to share? Leave them in the comments section, below.



  1. says

    Kids sure know how to work their parents, don’t they? 😉

    I’d love to tell you the magic secret to getting kids to go to bed (and asleep) on time, but there isn’t one to share. Assuming that “the kid’s” bed time is an appropriate time and he actually is tired, the best you can do is to be consistent. Give them enough time to get everything done before going to bed and tell them that big boys/girls go to bed on time and know they should get to sleep right away, because it helps them stay healthy and feel good the next day.

    Then I’d say something along the lines of, “Okay, bed time is in xxxx minutes. You need to make sure you have your pajamas on, get your drink of water, feed your fish, etc., because once we say good night, you aren’t getting out of bed again, unless it is an emergency.” (you may find you need to specify what constitutes as an emergency).

    Then, stick to it. (this is the hardest part!) My girls (now 13 & 17) tested me for the first few nights, but each time I would say, “I love you and I want to help you be a big girl now, so I have to say “no” and you have to go back to bed.” After the first few night, they got the message.

    You can also try a reward/consequences system for going to bed on time. Keep us posted on how everything works out.


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